Posted by [DTF] RiotMonster on 12/09/2009 6:06am

6 Bumps

[[[Nov 16 2009]]] Hey Cyber Kittens!!

If you've been wondering where I've been for the past couple of months, I'll let you know what's been going on. I couldn't afford to pay for Internet, Xbox Live or my phone bill. That's pretty much it... I wish I had a more intersting story to explain my absense, like I was kidnapped by a giant spikey-shelled evil turtle who imprisoned me in his lava-filled castle, alas I just fell on financially rough times. I've basically been surviving on white bread and cheap Ramen noodles for the few lucky days that I can afford to spend ANY money on food and I've been wearing the same smelly ass grungy clothes for weeks because doing laundry costs too many precious and extremely valuable, quarters. The good news is that I've managed to always keep my bong bowl packed.

You think I'm kidding.

It's been hard but thank God (of War, Kratos) I have two buddies helping me and the ol' ball and chain with rent until we are all back on our feet for good. From May until now, it has sucked some major peenie but as always, I'm remaining optimistic. Not to mention, remaining high from sunrise to sunset completely keeps the looming depression and self-pity at bay.

Currently, I'm working less than part time (about $100 a week) as a graveyard shift hostess at (cue the drum roll, please) International House of Pancakes. I know, I know, it's a glamorous job but hold your applause. I think my official title should be "Drunkard Wrangler" because that's pretty much what I do all night is deal with inebriated perverts and frat boys (who think everything they say is clever, such as "That's what she said.") and the barely-clothed, dick-breathed skanks with crusty vomit on their shirts that accompany them.

Luckily, my co-workers are pretty cool from what I can tell, even though the only person that I can actually carry on conversations with is a cop who thinks I'm some conservative nice girl who's never done a bad thing or had a negative thought in her innocent little head. As you can tell, I put on the fakest face while at work. Yup, I've only befriended a jolly police officer who doesn't truly know me and who I honestly would never talk to if I wasn't forced to make small talk. If only she knew the sailor-mouthed, heavy metal-enamored, full-time stoner who screams raunchy obscenities (that sound straight out of a hardcore gay porno) when she taco-drops brats online. I feel like such a chode at work because I have to tie my hair back into a bun, possibly the ugliest hair style known to man, and that makes me feel totally out of my comfort zone which causes me to clam up when talking to people and not truly show the real me. I don't know, it's odd but that's what happens.

Anyway, at the moment I'm guzzling down some Seagram's Gin&Juice and sitting at my computing counting down the hours until the Left 4 Dead 2 launch. How do I afford a brand new game when I've supposedly been so broke, you ask? Two syllables: Trade Ins. My video game library is pretty non-impressive at this point but I really don't give two shits anymore, I just want to play these new fuckin games!! I've already missed out on Scribblenauts, Brutal Legend, Dragon Age: Origins, Borderlands and a lot more that I've already forgotten. It's got me in a really pissy mood that I've been missing out on these amazing titles, as well as the fact that I've been SO fucking out of the loop as far as video game news in general. The fact that I can't wake up and check Destructoid or Twitter for the latest gaming info before I head to work or have to do errands has really rubbed me the wrong way. What can I say, I was bred for geekdom.

I guess that's it, as far as updates. I gotta say, I have really truly and honestly missed all of my online friends. Especially since I only really have two close friends in real life by now haha.. Sad but true. (Good Metallica song, by the way) I miss and love all of you guys and hope you all miss me as well. :3

Kisses, Candy, Chronic & Cumshots,
Riot Monster

P.S. I'm thinking about changing my gamertag again. I'm getting tired of "Riotsaurus Rex" and I'm trying to think of something new. Any suggestions? Let me know. =]